thinking about spectrums

step back and let people self-identify

Short Video about Trans Communities by Elisha Lim and Coco Riot 

Gender structures have a way of boxing us in. Although the hegemonic structure of ‘mainstream’ western eurocentric society only allows for two genders, the social consciousness of our communities are able to think outside of that narrow scope. We are ever changing and redefining the way we do gender. Regardless of what the strictness of “Male” and “Female” in its intended definition of exclusivity; we live and breathe beyond those terms, our minds, bodies and souls live beyond those terms… Femme, Femme Aggress, Futch, Tom Boy, Boi, AG, Aggressive, Dyke, FTM, MTF, Trans, Femme Identified Male, gender queer, neutral identity, non gender conforming… I can go on and on, but each category has a definition and means of doing gender. Along side that gender comes a community of people that by meeting the standards of the definition actuate the term and further validate the gender they live. We don’t need anyone to tell us how to do gender, we push the boundaries of the patriarchal scope every day just by us being us… I personally had a hard time coming into myself. My first time hearing the word Dyke was by a group of 4th graders pointing, snaring and yelling Dyke at me. I had no idea what the word meant, but I sure got the jist that I was it and it wasn’t the right thing to be. My identity plagued me for some years after until I came “out”. Somehow coming out is a means of coming into yourself and validating self identity and saying “Seeeeee Tom Boy is okay for me over here!” But am I tom boy, am I femme, am I femme aggress? Because I love my baggys and my tims and rolling through the day without worrying about hair, make up, nails, jewelry and pumping in them dam four inch stilettos… yet on the other hand no shade, I live to cat walk the block, subway, runway, highway or anyway I make heads turns when I am in my heels with my hair done, make up done, nails done and jewelry blinging, spinning heads as I pass by… So again, where do I fit? I tried living all three tom boy, femme, and femme aggress and found that I am too multifaceted to live in any one box. I don’t need heels to validate my femininity. Nor do I need to be labeled as anything masculine because I like to rock my tims. I’m finding a new way of doing my gender and a new way of validating me, fuk hegemonic structures… IM TomFemme…

— Trinz Hardin Massiah, Brown Grrl (via thebrownggrrlzproject)

the more stitches the less riches: a spectrum is dichotomous

morestitches:

I like to think of gender as an ocean, and gender identity as islands. Masculine and feminine are but 2 of the many possible islands out there. Cisgender people are born on an island and live there, most of their life. Some are comfortable living at the centre of the island, some prefer the beach….

Trans Etiquette 101: No Offense, But That’s Offensive

transpride:

1. Ask permission to ask questions. Even if you think you know they are comfortable answering, they may actually not be or maybe not in that setting, and it is just rude and pretty off-putting to not ask. Say, “Hey do you mind if I ask you some things about your transition? I’ve been a little curious – feel free to not answer or say no.”

2. Avoid private and personal questions. Even a so-called open book like me doesn’t want to discuss my sex life with most anyone. If you really want to know about trans men and sex, ask in general terms – i.e. “Are many trans men ‘stone butch’ in bed?” vs. “Are you stone butch in bed?” BIG difference.

3. Do not ask questions that in any way challenge the trans person’s gender identity or expression or could obviously lead to dysphoria. Do NOT, for example, ask if a trans man will grow to be ‘average male height’ or if a trans woman is uncomfortable with the size of her hands. I’ve gotten, “Are you ever going to look your age?” Ouch, honey.

4. Phrase your questions in a way that affirms a trans person’s gender. And avoid anything that defines the trans person in terms of who they once “were.” This is pretty simple, actually. Instead of asking if someone is “still legally female,” ask what the steps are to becoming legally male and if they have completed them.

5. Avoid comparisons to non-trans people and never use the term “real” in distinguishing between transgender and non-transgender people. “Cisgender” or “non-trans” are the only appropriate ways to signify non-trans status.

6. If it is a general question, try Google first. There is a lot of information on the internet and an open trans person should not be a stand-in for your own research.

7. Do not ask what the person’s birth name was. There is absolutely no reason for you to need to know this and it is likely something this person wants distance from. It is a particularly offensive question when phrased, “What is your REAL name.” After all, Sebastian is my real name and has been since I started asking people to use it.

8. Request specific permission to ask questions relating to genitalia, even if you’ve already received general permission to ask other personal questions. “Are you comfortable discussing your genitalia?” Chances are they aren’t. After all, do you want to talk about yours? But some people are and I acknowledge that there is definitely education needed on the topic so I am not opposed entirely to asking questions, as long as you get extra permission first.

9. Be wary of your phrasing. If you aren’t sure how to talk about trans issues, you need to announce that in the beginning. Be open to correction and don’t get defensive if a trans person is offended by something you say. As a heads up, don’t refer to a trans person as their previously-assigned gender – don’t say “when you were a girl” to a trans man for example. A more accurate and safer route is “before you transitioned” or “when you were living as a girl.”

10. Be aware of your setting. These are private conversations. Don’t approach someone at a crowded party or in algebra class and expect them to have a trans chat with you.

11. Be sensitive to the person’s comfort level throughout the conversation. If they’ve given you permission but are obviously growing uncomfortable discussing things, don’t press. Be grateful for the information you’ve gained and change the subject.

12. Respect the person’s privacy. Unless this person stated otherwise, the personal information they gave you is not for you to share with the world.